Archive for the ‘Today’s Spam’ Category

Today’s Spam: “Grandfather”

Sunday, July 11th, 2010

I wish you were real, Dani Herrel. I really do. I’d email you a big thank-you (to Annan2064@gmail.com) and even visit your site (http://freegiftcardsmania.com/blog). Your comment seemed so genuine:

LOL is that what you young people would say in this cases? Hello there, i’m a 84 years old grandfather and I’ve just found this website in my browser history. My nephew used my laptop the last time he went here, I believe… he says LOL pretty often but I’ve started to undertand what it means only recently but he’s a good boy after all. Keep doing your best guys, Internet is a real blessing and you have no idea how lucky you are. Best wishes by a old man commenting for the first time

You seemed like the type of grandfather who will be missed sincerely.

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Today’s Spam: “Rats”

Wednesday, May 5th, 2010

Poor Mia Johnson sent me this:

there are so many rats at home and i am looking for a really good rat poison’”;

I don’t know why she thought I’d be able to help her out—I’ve never had a problem with rats at home. She must be that desperate.

If you have any recommendations for Ms. Johnson, contact her at Escarsega67@gmail.com or go to her website, http://www.polyethylenes.org.*

—

* Last time I checked, the link wasn’t working. I was really looking forward to seeing pictures of her rats.

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Why Are You Doing That, Teenagers?

Thursday, February 25th, 2010

You were four teenagers—Boy 1, Boy 2, Boy 3, and Girl—walking north on Third Avenue around 80th Street. You were taking up too much of the sidewalk, but about mid-block I managed to get around You.

As I passed You, this is what I heard:

GIRL: Yo! This is like The Wizard of Oz. And I’m Dorothy.

BOY 1: I’m the Tin Man.

BOY 2: And you’re the Scarecrow.

BOY 3: Why am I the Scarecrow?

I wanted to ask You, why are you doing that? Why are you speaking the way writers make teenagers speak in movies? But I was afraid I “just wouldn’t understand.”

—

When I posted this to Craigslist Missed Connections, I got the following response.

SUBJECT: Crazytown.
Thu, February 25, 2010 10:17:35 PM

From:
Lauren D—— <———->
To: pers-z9frj-1617864933@craigslist.org
I know your writing. Is this a test of sorts to see if I would be able to recognize you in the crowd of CL? The question is, will you recognize me with my secret GMAIL address?
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Today’s Spam = Raw Gold

Thursday, February 18th, 2010

I received the following today—with the interesting subject line, “Edward write”:

Dear*,

I am Mr Edward Jero a gold miner with Newmont mining corp. here in Ghana
West Africa.**
I am currently in need of a foreign partner to help sell some raw gold.***
The said gold has taken me over 2 years to gather and I have gathered enough quantity to sale.****
For all I know the gold worth a lot of money abroad and am looking for someone serious, honest and trust worthy to work with. I have been making enquires and made to understand that someone from your country can sell this gold and if we can agree on terms suitable for both of us, then I can arrange on how the gold can be exported to you, I will take care of the shipment and every other local fees that it will cost in sending the gold for you to sale.
If interested, send me an email or call me on address below, so I can give you the full details of the gold and if not interested please disregard.

Contact me only at e-mail:  edward.jero@e-serveclub.com*****
or by phone +233546420489

Should I move on this?

—

* Aw, that’s sweet.

** Something to impress your grandmother, huh, ladies? (Well, maybe not the African part—if your grandmother’s anything like mine.)

*** Raw gold is more hardcore than that bullshit you wear around your neck, wrist, fingers, etc. (Can you fashion raw gold into a raw grill?)

**** I wonder what “gathering” entails.

***** Not <Jero Edward <noreply@afssecurityghana.com.gh>, the email from which he contacted me.

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Today’s Spam: “Boner”

Sunday, January 31st, 2010

Sat, January 30, 2010 11:33:42 PM

From Averbach@kidsbowlfree.com using Google Maps: Your bull will ram her …

Wanna get a larger boner?

http://img692.imageshack.us/img692/4656/letsgo.swf#PatWhit.jpg

Maybe after lunch, Averbach.

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Today’s Spam: “Thirstily”

Sunday, December 13th, 2009

Triss Tram from www.hemorrhoidsreview.com had this to say about my post “New Poll Finds Afghan Civilians Prefer Death By Unmanned Aerial Drones“:

Considerably, the post is in reality the sweetest on this deserving topic. I concur with your conclusions and will thirstily look forward to your incoming updates. Just saying thanks will not just be enough, for the fantasti c lucidity in your writing. I will directly grab your rss feed to stay privy of any updates with my [redacted] review website.Fabulous work and much success in your business efforts!Thank you.

You can email Triss at chorlotte@gmail.com. If you do, please do it “thirstily.”

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Why Are You Doing That, Eyebrow?

Thursday, July 2nd, 2009

At around 11 in the a.m.—Union Square, Au Bon Pain—I ordered a Steak Churasco Wrap.

When the cashier went away to see if the steak was ready to serve, I saw You.

You were another Au Bon Pain cashier—a chubby, gay male in your twenties, with the most amazingly well-manicured unibrow I had ever seen. The perimeter of the brow was perfect, not a hair out of place. You had obviously worked very hard to maintain it.

At the time I wanted to ask, “Why are you doing that, Eyebrow? Why only wax and/or thread the borders of your unibrow? Why not just go ahead and make the monobrow bibrows?” You see, as kempt as it was you still had a unibrow, Eyebrow!

Before I could say these words your two-eyebrow-ed coworker informed me that the steak wasn’t ready yet.

I left hungry.

—

When I posted this to Craigslist Missed Connections, I got the following responses (the first w/ a photo attached; the second wrote that (s)he had attached pics but did not—the liar!). What do you think? Could either of these be love? (See below)

1—
SUBJECT LINE: Re: Why Are You Doing That, Eyebrow? – 27 (Union Square)
Heather C——
To: pers-dqwxb-1547404109 <pers-dqwxb-1547404109@craigslist.org>
Hello Just surfing cl, bored, amused at some of the ad’s, thought i’d send a message and see if i get a reply. 38, slim, extremely shy and quiet untill you get to know me. I really don’t know what I’m doing on here but here I am. I teach kindergarden and am not that experienced in the whole dating scene, I’ve been divorced for three years now. I’m very much a geek and a book worm I guess. I grew up in New York, I have been in this area my whole life except when I went to University.

I had an ad up briefly but the spam was horrible. Anyway, not looking for anything specific, just friends and drinks and see where it goes.

2—

SUBJECT LINE: Hey there!

treadevay formanczyk <formanczyktreadevay90n0@hotmail.com> 
To: pers-dqwxb-1547404109@craigslist.org

Your ad on craigs caught my attention! Wanna chat some? btw, I added some pics to this e-mail.
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Why Are You Doing That, Big Girl?

Friday, March 27th, 2009

Last weekend I was on the JMZ platform at the Brooklyn Bridge-City Hall station waiting for a train to Jamaica Center.

You, Big Girl, were on the same platform: blue scarf hanging from your back pocket, eyeglasses too small for your face, a teenage version of Big Girl from my fifth-grade class back in the day—the one who played Betsy Ross in the school play, even though Big Girl was black.

Honestly, I hadn’t noticed you until I heard what sounded like change falling onto the train tracks. I turned and there you were, yards from me: Big Girl spitting Certs onto the tracks.

You’d pop a Cert into your mouth, give it a suck, and then spit it out. You’d reload, suck, spit. Again and again. Of course, you let the pieces of wrapper fall onto the platform.

I’m sure you had things on your mind. Maybe you were wondering what life had in store for you—fifth grade only a few years behind you—but I wanted to ask, why are you doing that, Big Girl? Why are you spitting Certs onto the tracks? You know you’re gonna be hungry on the train.

—

When I posted this to Craigslist Missed Connections, I got the following response. Could be legit. What do you think? (see below)

SUBJECT LINE: Hahaha

Tue, January 5, 2010 6:15:00 PM

From:
Shelby S—
To: pers-f78uk-1538959615@craigslist.org
You never fail to make me laugh.

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