March 1st, 2010
The following poem was found written in chalk on the corner of 110th Street & Lexington Avenue on February 28, 2010. It was signed “#39“.
The streets of Spanish Harlem are somber tonight, Ryan Miller.
We shuffle down Lex with dejection in each step.
We’re trying to skate without blades, as the hustlers crouch in the shadows and wait to high-stick a nigga.
The Barrio only wants Gold, Ryan Miller.
So that Silver medal we rock ’round our necks might as well be a noose.
We overtime. We sans Zamboni. And death is a left-handed white boy named Sidney.*
—
*The above photo did in fact accompany the poem.
Tags: 2010 Winter Olympics, Barrio, bronze medal, Canada, Finland, goalie, gold medal, Lexington Avenue, Men's Ice Hockey, MVP, poem, poetry, Ryan Miller, Sidney Crosby, silver medal, skates, Spanish Harlem, USA, Zamboni
Posted in If This Were My World..., Lit?, Sports | No Comments »
February 25th, 2010
You were four teenagers—Boy 1, Boy 2, Boy 3, and Girl—walking north on Third Avenue around 80th Street. You were taking up too much of the sidewalk, but about mid-block I managed to get around You.
As I passed You, this is what I heard:
GIRL: Yo! This is like The Wizard of Oz. And I’m Dorothy.
BOY 1: I’m the Tin Man.
BOY 2: And you’re the Scarecrow.
BOY 3: Why am I the Scarecrow?
I wanted to ask You, why are you doing that? Why are you speaking the way writers make teenagers speak in movies? But I was afraid I “just wouldn’t understand.”
—
When I posted this to Craigslist Missed Connections, I got the following response.
I know your writing. Is this a test of sorts to see if I would be able to recognize you in the crowd of CL? The question is, will you recognize me with my secret GMAIL address?
Tags: boys, Dorothy, Girls, movies, Scarecrow, teenagers, The Wizard of Oz, Tin Man
Posted in Today's Spam, Why Are You Doing That? | No Comments »
February 24th, 2010
A.Word.A.Day gives us what sounds like an obvious band name from the 60s. (It happens to be the name of a band in 2010.) The twist to the hippy-sounding nom de groupe comes in the definition.
Star Chamber
PRONUNCIATION:
(star CHAYM-buhr) 
MEANING:
noun: A court or group marked by arbitrary, oppressive, and secretive procedures.
ETYMOLOGY:
After the Star Chamber in the Palace of Westminster in London. It was the site of a closed-door court appointed by King Henry VII of England in the 15th century. Notorious for its abuse of power — rulings made in secret, no appeal — it was abolished by the Long Parliament in 1641. The chamber was so named because its ceiling was decorated with stars.
USAGE:
“‘This is the most incredible Star Chamber proceeding, the most incredible lack of due process I’ve ever heard of,’ Mitchelson said. ‘I’m the alleged perpetrator, and I was not even invited.’”
Edward J. Boyer; Mitchelson Angry, Vows to Block Aid for Two Women; The Los Angeles Times; Jan 25, 1989.
Tags: band, England, hippy, King Hentry VII, London, Long Parliament, oppressive, secretive, Star Chamber, Westminster
Posted in Vocabulary | No Comments »
February 18th, 2010
I received the following today—with the interesting subject line, “Edward write”:
Dear*,
I am Mr Edward Jero a gold miner with Newmont mining corp. here in Ghana
West Africa.**
I am currently in need of a foreign partner to help sell some raw gold.***
The said gold has taken me over 2 years to gather and I have gathered enough quantity to sale.****
For all I know the gold worth a lot of money abroad and am looking for someone serious, honest and trust worthy to work with. I have been making enquires and made to understand that someone from your country can sell this gold and if we can agree on terms suitable for both of us, then I can arrange on how the gold can be exported to you, I will take care of the shipment and every other local fees that it will cost in sending the gold for you to sale.
If interested, send me an email or call me on address below, so I can give you the full details of the gold and if not interested please disregard.
Contact me only at e-mail: edward.jero@e-serveclub.com*****
or by phone +233546420489
Should I move on this?
—
* Aw, that’s sweet.
** Something to impress your grandmother, huh, ladies? (Well, maybe not the African part—if your grandmother’s anything like mine.)
*** Raw gold is more hardcore than that bullshit you wear around your neck, wrist, fingers, etc. (Can you fashion raw gold into a raw grill?)
**** I wonder what “gathering” entails.
***** Not <Jero Edward <noreply@afssecurityghana.com.gh>, the email from which he contacted me.
Tags: Ghana, Jero Edward, mining, Newmont Mining Corp., raw gold, Today's Spam, West Africa
Posted in Today's Spam | No Comments »
February 17th, 2010
I’m a little late to the 2010 Winter Olympics. The big story has been that of Georgian luger Nodar Kumaritashvili who crashed and died during a training run. Reading about the incident and watching footage of the young man’s accident/death, I can’t help but wonder: It seems like we keep on inventing new (sillier) ways to die. Why do we do that? What’s wrong with sticking to the basics? Disease. Hunger. War. Birth.
I can’t say that I don’t appreciate the peppering of absurd death—the bastard—with freshly ground cloves of black comedy. For example, according to the AP article:
“[Kumaritashvili's] sled stayed on the track and skidded to a stop near the finish line.” That’s awful and cliché.* Not to mention the fact that his father happens to be the “president of the Georgian luge federation and his cousin is the team’s coach.” Am I the only one who sees the tired literary elements to this true-life tale?**
Now for a bad joke: The trouble with the luge race is that even if you win, you’re still a luger.
—
* Or would the sled crossing the finish line be cliché?
** Is there a biopic in the works? Are there biopics in Georgia?
Tags: 2010 Winter Olympics, absurd, Associated Press, birth, comedy, Death, disease, Georgia, Georgian luger, hunger, luge, Nodar Kumaritashvili, Vancouver, war, Whistler
Posted in Lit?, Something New: Seen, Heard, Touched, Tasted, Smelt, Read, Sports | No Comments »
February 12th, 2010
Tags: AJ Morales, animal attack, bear attack, bears, beastiality, dating, Girls, Greg Burke, Grizzly Man, honey, Love, men, relationships, Sex, Sketch Comedy, Valentine's Day, women
Posted in Greg and Lou Present Lou and Greg | No Comments »
